THE SEXUALIZATION OF BLACK BOYS:
My story: "I was 12 years old when I lost my virginity to a girl that was 18. At the time I thought that made me a big shot. I thought I was now a man. I mean...no one ever told me to respect my body. No one ever told me my body was special. This isn't to blame anyone, just saying I never heard those words as an adolescent growing up.
Of course by osmosis I knew not to ever allow a man to inappropriately touch me, but the same didn't apply to a woman. It didn't feel like rape. I didn't feel violated. I didn't feel forced.
However, it took me years to realize I was coached. Seduced. Taken advantage of. I was exposed to something I was way to young to understand. I was a victim.
When I accepted that is when I began to understand the root of my promiscuity. It's when I began to heal from within... It's when sex took on a whole different meaning for me!"
The sad reality is sex isn't taught to be valued among Black boys. I've asked just about all my male friends, frat brothers and even men on social media if they were ever told their bodies was special? They all said NO! No one ever told them as little boys or as adolescents that their body was special.
In fact as I shared my story on Facebook, I began to receive inbox messages from men thanking me for sharing my story. Men started sharing their stories with me. They shared how they were molested. They shared how being molested caused them to view sex as purely an act of lust and not love.
This is one of the reasons why so many men cheat. This is one of the reasons why a man will say to his wife of whom he's cheating on "Baby I love you, I just fu-k those other chicks! I don't love any of them!"
It's because he hasn't dealt with the sexual abuse and inappropriate exposure thereof as a child. In fact, many men see this as a weakness, when in all actual reality the real weakness is not mentally dealing with the past.
A number of men who contacted me said they simply blocked out all thoughts of their childhood as it relates to sex, and some are just realizing they are victims of sexual abuse.
...see, it all starts with "He's so handsome. Come here man-man, boy I can't wait till you get older. Man-man you so manish!" Those types of words may be endearing, but they're actually preparing man-man to think because he's so handsome, and because he's so manish, it's okay if a woman much older than him to touch him in an inappropriate manner.
Let's look at the show Power (STARZ). The character Tariq St.Patrick is seduced and coached by Kanan into having sex. Tommy Egan finds out about it and instead of rebuking Tariq for his actions (having sex at such a young age) Tommy actually celebrates with Tariq and even asks him if he wore a condom?!
Boom! That's the sexualization of Black boys!
In Tariq's mind he's a man because he performed a sexual act with a young woman; however, he's actually a VICTIM. Tariq is being exploited and exposed to things his adolescent mind isn't ready to handle. Tariq is a minor!
At some point we have to talk to our boys about sex as much as we talk to our girls about sex. Black boys must hear at an early age that sex is important. Black boys must hear at an early age not to allow anyone (male or female) to touch them inappropriately.
Of course this doesn't mean Black boys won't try new things and/or experiences, but it does mean at least they won't be taken advantage of in the process. It does mean they'll have a blueprint about sexuality whether they decide to use the blueprint or not.
Fathers' must talk to their boys about sex as well. Congratulating your son for having sex at an early age isn't a kosher thing to do, especially when you wouldn't congratulate your daughter for allowing some boy to put his penis in her mouth or vagina!
If we as parents begin to provide guidance to our sons as it relates to sex, we'll then have less oversexualized boys who become broken men unable to express themselves or commit to a monogamous relationship.
written by: jim allen