I was recently asked by a fan of Chicago's Hottest Blog, why do people contact their ex-lover or love interest after breakup?
I thought to myself, hmmm...that's an interesting question, one that deserves an answer to. Not just any answer, but a serious hardcore one.
Let's face it, we've all spied on our ex social media page here or there. I mean, that's called being human and humans do self-inflicting shit to themselves.
For me personally I've learned a long time ago that friendship after relationship is a terrible idea. What's terrible about it is it doesn't allow one to heal and move on with their lives.
Dude, how can you move on with your life and you're constantly looking at the life of your ex on social media? You're better off blocking the person.
This way you can't torture yourself by sneaking on their page to peek into their life...and your page is protected from him/her as well.
When a person contacts an ex it means they miss something about that person. Could be sex. Could be old memories. Could be sabotage. Could be to further exploit kindness. Could be a host of things.
The reality is you miss something about your ex which is why you can't seem to cut the connection cord and fully move on with your life. And please don't give me no shit about being an adult or being mature.
Ninja, you miss how your ex use to suck your man meat, and vice versa. The minute you come to grips with that is the minute you'll see things in a different light.
This is when empathy kicks in, because you wouldn't want your girlfriend being friends with her ex-lover(s). And when I say friends I mean calling, texting, emailing your ex random shit throughout the week.
Like what makes you think it's cool to text your ex "Hey, how are you? Is everthing okay?" Bro, it's not your concern anymore of the well being of your ex!
See, if you spent more time investing your energy in your current relationship you wouldn't have time for fuck nigga shit.
Even if you have a kid with a wo/man, that doesn't mean you have to text, call or email them everyday. That doesn't mean you have to be their friend or kiss their ass to see your kid. No! That's why we have courts and court orders.
Seeing your kid isn't predicated on if the other parent likes you or not. Seeing your kid isn't predicated on kissing the other parents ass or being their BFF.
Seeing your kid is predicated on a court order. That's it, and that's all. Anything outside of that is unnecessary.
It takes discipline to not contact your ex, but after a few months you'll become a pro at it. You'll also find it to be the best therapy for you. Yes I said for you, because your healing process from a breakup must come from you.
I've found not contacting an ex after breakup is also good for your ex. It shows you respect them and their current relationship. It shows true maturity. It also gives them the room, space and time needed to bond with their current lover.
Contacting your ex, especially while you're currently in a relationship is simply tacky. It means you have no respect for that person, their relationship, nor your relationship.
...also for me, I'm a Pisces. Meaning I'm the last sign of the Zodiac, mixed with all the other signs, yet uniquely Pisces. I don't do well with allowing anyone to think they can enter, exit and re-enter my life. Like I'm not down with that.
Pisces hate the idea of someone thinking they have mental, sexual or mystical powers over them and they can control or manipulate them through an old relationship tie, fling or spark.
Manhood is about living an honest life. And being honest with yourself is saying "Why am I contacting my ex? Would my current woman approve of this? Am I being sneaky and disingenuous? Do I miss my ex?"
Contacting your ex means you have to constantly hide your phone from your lover. The moment my wife can't pick up my phone, play with it, check my social media messages, check my texts, is the moment I'd feel arrested.
Arrested in the sense I'm hiding something or someone from her from my past that I'm inconveniently keeping in my present.
The person you love should know the code to your phone. The person you love should know they can look in your phone at any moment. The person you love should know they have your full attention, not some ex.
It's best to tell an ex "Thank you for being concerned about me. I'm good. Hope you're good as well. A better way to be concerned about me is to respect the fact I've moved on. I don't hate you or wish bad on you. Nor do I think it wise for you to contact me".
At the end of the day contacting an ex is unwise and mentally unhealthy. Do yourself a favor, don't do It!
Written by: Jim Allen